strokes and dying

Ever since I had the stroke I've discovered a new fear.I'm still not afraid to die-which is useless as we are all going to do it and Ihave no fear about where I"m going.The thought of another stroke terrifies me. I saw a lot of people in the nursing home who were alive but totally trapped in thier bodies ,not able to move or speak-living death. That is why I had a DNR on my fridge. It's my way of protecting nyself from living death. Since I still have TIA'S or little strokes and the window for the clot buster is an hour and Ilive alone my odds of being found in time are slim,so if it happens again I will most likely die alone on the floor of my home. Thi is not aleasant thought' but in the long run I"ve decided it won't make a difference. I'll still be going to the same place wher ther is no pain or fear. So if that ishat happens 'm o.k. with it Ijust pray that I go all the way.meanwhile I'm living at home with my cats and my view and my hospice team and friends and working to squeeze every bit of happiness and joy that I can from my life!